For working mothers who’ve returned to work and find themselves wondering why work feels different than it did before.

Before I became a mom, I thought returning to work would mostly be about logistics.

How many weeks of leave would I take? Who would watch the baby? How would we divide drop-offs and pick-ups? Would I still be able to focus?

No one warned me that I might not recognize myself.

After my son was born, I remember feeling slower. Mommy brain is real. I’d walk into a room and completely forget why I was there. I’d lose my train of thought mid-sentence. The mental sharpness I’d always relied on suddenly felt harder to access. For a while, I genuinely wondered if I’d become less capable.

Thankfully, I hadn’t.

But I had changed.

Not just because I was exhausted, although I definitely was. Becoming a mother changed the way I thought about work, success, ambition, and what I wanted my life to look like.

What didn’t go away was the feeling that something had shifted.

The work I used to love didn’t feel the same. The goals I’d spent years chasing suddenly didn’t seem as important. I started wondering if I needed a new job, a different company, or maybe even a completely different career.

Looking back, I realize I was asking the wrong question.

Sometimes the problem isn’t your job. It’s that you’re trying to fit the woman you’ve become into a life that was built for the woman you were before motherhood.

That realization changed everything for me.

I stopped trying to become the person I was before having children.

Instead, I got curious about the person I was becoming.

As an executive coach, I’ve since realized I’m far from alone. I’ve worked with women who returned to work expecting to pick up where they left off, only to discover the person who left for maternity leave wasn’t exactly the person who came back.

The hard part is that no one really prepares us for that.

When we don’t have language for what’s happening, it’s easy to assume something is wrong.

Sometimes a job change really is the right next step.

Sometimes the deeper move is getting curious about who you’re becoming, before you decide what to change.

The version of you who chose your current job

One idea has stayed with me ever since becoming a mother:

The version of you who chose your current job isn’t the version being asked to decide what comes next.

Maybe you accepted your role before children. Maybe you were focused on climbing the ladder. Maybe success looked like earning more, leading bigger teams, or proving to yourself that you could do it all.

Those things aren’t wrong.

But motherhood has a way of expanding the questions we ask ourselves.

Instead of asking, how do I get promoted? we might start asking, what kind of life am I building?

Instead of asking how much more we can do, we start asking what actually matters.

That doesn’t mean you’ve lost your ambition.

It may simply mean your ambition has evolved.

The goal isn’t to become the woman you were before becoming a parent.

It’s to get to know the woman you’ve become.

Give yourself permission to notice before you decide

When work starts feeling different, our instinct is often to solve the problem as quickly as possible. We update our résumé, scroll job boards, or convince ourselves that a different company will finally make everything click.

Before you change your circumstances, spend some time noticing what’s changed within you.

Ask yourself:

• What feels different about work today than it did before I became a parent?
• What energizes me now that didn’t before?
• What drains me that I used to tolerate without a second thought?

Awareness isn’t procrastination. It’s information.

Separate what’s happening around you from what’s happening within you

Sometimes the job really isn’t the right fit anymore.

Sometimes you’re simply carrying more than any one person was designed to carry.

Before making a big career decision, ask yourself whether you’re reacting to your circumstances or responding to a deeper shift in who you’re becoming.

Both matter.

The difference is that one may require a new job.

The other may require a new perspective.

Pay attention to whose voice is guiding your decisions

One of the most helpful questions I ask clients is:

Whose expectations am I trying to meet?

Maybe it’s the ambitious version of yourself from five years ago.

Maybe it’s a former boss.

Maybe it’s social media telling you that you should either be thriving at work or fully present at home, somehow without dropping a single ball.

Notice whose voice gets the loudest vote.

Then ask yourself what you actually want, not what you should want.

Let your definition of success evolve

I used to think changing your definition of success meant lowering your standards.

Now I think it means being honest.

Success at 28 doesn’t have to look like success at 38.

The goals that motivated you before children don’t have to be the goals that motivate you now.

You’re allowed to want something different.

You’re allowed to build a career that fits the life you’re living today, not the life you imagined years ago.

A small first step

This week, set a timer for ten minutes and finish these two sentences:

Before becoming a parent, success meant…

Today, success feels more like…

Don’t judge your answers.

Don’t try to fix anything.

Just notice.

Sometimes the smallest moments of honesty are what lead to the biggest shifts in clarity.

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Read next: The Difference Between Ambition and Survival — a companion piece on why the version of you that got you here isn’t always the version who should decide what comes next.

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Sharilyn Chavez, ACC Executive & Leadership Coach Trauma-Informed Certified

Helping people make their next move with self-awareness instead of survival.

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